October 6, 1979
On October 3 I received in the mail the mission’s latest magazine. They are planning an
Orient tour from August 1-24, 1980. My intention is to try and plan to go. I have $535 in
the bank. I have sent off information on the total cost of the tour.
I had intended anyway to cut down on my giving - my total giving I plan on is $100 a
I baby-sat for the Tyler family last night and they gave me $8.00.
If I save $200 a month for 9 months and save $100 this month, with the $535 I have in the
bank I’ll have $2,435.
In a way I’m very excited about this. I’m excited about the thought of itemizing what I
think the total cost might be then praising and thanking God for each dollar saved and
thanking Him for what He is going to yet help me to save.
Dad, of course, has volunteered to make up my deficit. I might have to fall back on him,
but I prefer to fall back on God. It would be much sweeter and more of praise to have
God intercede for me.
God knows why I love the mission. God know also that I want to go into this adventure
We are told to bring our requests to Him. I risk nothing in attempting this.
October 7, 1979
The verse for the day is Phil 4:6 - Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and
supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
My interpretation in this instance pertaining to my Orient tour finances:
Don’t worry about it; but with prayer and interceding with thanksgiving
(that I am going to answer one way or another) let your request of
the finances of this tour be made known to Me.
I talked this evening after church with Mr. Smythe about the trip. He suggested I list the
reasons for and against going and then pray over it.
He said it was not wrong for me to accept money from Dad if he was willing to give it to
October 8, 1979
On Saturday afternoon, I realized that the $8 I received for baby-sitting Friday night was
in answer to a prayer I made a couple weeks ago. There is a prayer seminar Saturday at
a nearby church. I had asked God if He wanted me to go, would He help me get
the money. The cost? $8.00 for the seminar.
Reasons for Trip
1. See lands I have given to. I have given $240 to the Philippines and $240 for
2 years of sponsorship for 3 p.m.’s - (portable missionaries - pretuned radio
I am sponsoring a missionary in the Philippines by giving him $20 each month.
(But I have seen his whole family for 2 summers at the mission conference.)
2. Exciting and fun.
3. Christian fellowship with fellow travelers.
4. Christian fellowship with Christians from other lands.
5. I had asked God several times to allow me to visit some of the countries.
6. I want to.
7. I could use the months prior to the trip in waiting expectantly in prayer
on God to help me financially for the trip.
Reasons Against Trip
1. Too expensive.
2. I could put money aside for a car.
3. I could use money for winter clothing, shoes, and other necessities.
4. I am too impatient. The trip will come around again.
5. It is a desire and not a necessity.
6. I do not want to take money from Dad.
7. I would have to cut down on giving (but I was going to - but not as much).
October 11, 1979
I have been thinking very strongly about this trip and have come up with several strong
1. Inflation is rapidly increasing and my income is not much.
2. I really, if at all possible, should be considering increasing my giving and not
3. Is it possible God wants me to serve with a mission agency and not give to a mission
4. I wish I could in a way increase my giving, saving and spending money and still
have the trip as a gift from God.
October 13, 1979
I baby-sat again last night for the Tyler’s. I received $5. There is a good possibility that
I’ll baby-sit for them about 2 times a month.
Why the extra income?
I’m now willing to go on the tour; I don’t want to cut back in giving, though.
God, I need Your guidance on whether I should plan on this tour.
LATER: Maybe God wants me not to really cut back and yet still save as a goal $200 a
I do not plan to cut back in giving for the 5 families I help sponsor. I do not want to cut
back on the 3 portable missionaries, the $10 to Turkey, the $5 to Mongolia, the $5 to
Afghanistan, and the $20 to China. Total per month - $145.00.
Outside of saving for a car, I really believe it would be very advantageous for me to go on
the tour. If I could still give $145.00 to God, I would be reasonably satisfied.
I have had second thoughts about the sponsorship into China; I guess because it is a big
monthly cost - $20. I’ve decided to ask God for a sign if He wants me to continue this
particular sponsorship. I’ve asked Him if He wants me to continue that He would give
me an additional $20 this month.
I’m not really sure when I formed this prayer in my mind, but later a lady called and
informed me I had paid $9 for the prayer seminar and that they were returning $1.00. I
just can’t believe I overpaid. I’m counting the $5 I received Friday and the $1
overpayment (?) as part of the $20. So now, I need an additional $14 if God wants me to
continue into China.
October 18, 1979
The strain of this trip is too much. I withdrew $200 from the bank. I gave $50 each to
some 2 families going to the mission field. I then gave $50 each to 2 people at work
If God wants me to go, He’ll enable me to go. I feel more at peace now then any time
during the past 2 weeks.
I need money; I’m giving it away. It only makes sense in the spiritual realm. I’m
indicating that I cannot do it alone - that money is not the most important thing in my life
and that I’m trying to make a faith deposit. (I’m also willing to take the chance that I
don’t go.) This is all indicated by this gift.
October 20, 1979
My feelings right now are:
1. Save just about what I’m already saving monthly.
2. Do not decrease my giving (I might juggle, but I won’t decrease).
3. Tell God I would like to go on the tour; I would willingly accept it as a gift
4. Keep in my mind the world’s needs and not primarily my desires.
5. Enjoy giving.
6. Wait on God’s actions.
October 21, 1979
This morning during Sunday School I was pondering the thought of how I should budget
Then during the early part of the church service while I was in the choir, I just knew I
should go on the tour. It just seemed the right thing to do because I’m so interested in
Then coming home from church tonight, I got to thinking if God desires me to go just like
I desire to go? Are our wills merged together as one?
Now the question is: what extent should I save?
October 23, 1979
Last night I received a call from a family at church. I’m baby-sitting for them this
Saturday. It will be the 3rd time this month.
October 24, 1979
Even though I do not know the cost of the trip I should start itemizing what other things I
would need. I can pray for those things.
At work now, some people know I’m planning on going. I mentioned to Mr. Taylor that I
know my own salary will be short, but I knew that the balance would come from
somewhere. (Now I can’t remember if I brought God into the picture or not. I think I
did, but now I’m not sure.)
Some items I know I’ll need:
Shoes - about $30
Film - ?
Immunization shots - ?
Passport - ?
Visas - ?
Flight to and from Los Angeles - about $300
Taxies to and from airport - $50?
Spending money - $500 (more or less)
October 25, 1979
I just read a brief passage which said something about seeking not the help but seeking
and waiting on God.
God, You know Dad has said he would make up the deficit for this trip I so much desire.
God, You know I am seeking You - Your means of providing. I want You to give this or
part of this trip as a gift.
October 26, 1979
The $50 I received back from a lady at work takes care of the $50 for the taxis. I have
$382.21 in the bank. Three hundred of it can be applied towards the cost of the plane fare
to and from Los Angeles. I am sure the remaining $82.21 will take care of my shoes,
camera equipment and maybe some other things.
I should and will thank God for taking care of those expenses.
I need now to pray and thank God for providing the $500 (?) for spending money and the
other (?) dollars for the tour itself.
October 28, 1979
I baby-sat last night and received $5.00. I’m still $9 short of the $20 sign I had requested
On second thought: I know the need in China is huge. There are over 900 million
Chinese in China. They are not open for missionaries. However, there are many radio
stations beaming into that country. Maybe I could and should give $10 to somewhere
else. Perhaps I should give $10 to a medical doctor in the Chad. I am very seriously
considering doing that.
October 30, 1979
I was practicing my shorthand and listening to J. Vernon McGee and also thinking.
I really do not want to drastically cut down on my giving. However, if I do not cut down
on my giving, I probably will not be able to go on the tour. However, I want God to be
glorified in my giving. I do so much want the Gospel to be known throughout the world.
I know, my God, that Thou dost not command me to give, but I love Thee and Thy “other
sheep” more than this trip. What my next step might be I do not know.
October 31, 1979
I know God does not need my money, but I must do as I feel led to do - at least for a
2 Cor 9:6-8 - But this I say, He which soweth sparingly shall reap also sparingly; and he
which soweth bountifully shall reap also bountifully. Every man according as he
purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a
cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always
having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work:
1. Promises a reaping of generosity and with blessing if like sown.
2. Told to give as we have purposed in our heart.
3. Told God loves a cheerful giver.
4. Promised that we will be self sufficient.
Luke 6:38 - Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and
shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same
measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.
1. Told to give and what we measure out will be measured back.
Phil 4:18 - But I have all, and abound: I am full, having received of Epaphroditus the
things which were sent from you, an odour of a sweet smell, a sacrifice acceptable,
wellpleasing to God.
1. Paul commends the Philippians for supplying his needs.
2. Says that God will supply all your need according to His riches in Christ Jesus.
November 1, 1979
Luke 6:38 - Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and
shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same
measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.
Prov 11:24-25 - There is that scattereth, and yet increaseth; and there is that withholdeth
more than is meet, but it tendeth to poverty.
Prov 3:9-10 - Honour the LORD with thy substance, and with the firstfruits of all thine
increase: So shall thy barns be filled with plenty, and thy presses shall burst out
with new wine.
Mal 3:10-11 - Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine
house, and prove me now herewith, saith the LORD of hosts, if I will not open you the
windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to
receive it. And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes, and he shall not destroy the
fruits of your ground; neither shall your vine cast her fruit before the time in the field,
saith the LORD of hosts.
Phil 4:19 - But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by
Today Mr. Snead came into work. (He is now disabled from cancer.) I gave him $50
(see note of 10/18/79). He was so touched with the note behind the gift that he said the
note and the thought behind it meant more than the gift.
I am so thankful I gave and did not hold back.
The way it stands now, I’ll only save about $100 a month and whatever God will bring in.
I’ll no doubt give more to Mr. Snead. He has great financial needs.
November 2, 1979
Prov 19:17 - He that hath pity upon the poor lendeth unto the LORD; and that which he
hath given will he pay him again.
Prov 22:9 - He that hath a bountiful eye shall be blessed; for he giveth of his bread to the
Prov 28:27 - He that giveth unto the poor shall not lack: but he that hideth his eyes shall
have many a curse.
Oh God, my heart aches for Mr. Snead. Please, God, save him. Meet his every need.
God, how dreadful it must be to be in his position and not have You and Thy precious
Word to take comfort in.
November 3, 1979
In the summer of 1978, God enabled me to go on vacation to the mission conference.
Would it be wrong for me not to look to God to mostly furnish this summer the mission
Orient tour for me? In a way, I think it would be dishonoring to God not to expect Him to
We are told in Philippians 4:6 to make our requests known to God. So I can at least pray
I am not good at doing many things, but I love and delight in giving. I am very good at
November 4, 1979
I asked God this morning if He would give me a baby-sitting job this weekend. (I think I
kinda asked for maybe both Friday and Saturday.) After church this morning,
Mr. Snowberg asked me if I would baby-sit this Friday.
I also saw on the bulletin board another seminar. This time the seminar is by the author
of the book God Can Make it Happen. It is to be held on November 13 and 14. This must
be of God and I must attend.
GOD, PLEASE SHOW ME HOW I SHOULD handle my finances from now through the
time of the trip.
Frankly, it would be easier to have very little and have the only way out to be just by
looking to God. I believe that now my problem is HOW MUCH SHOULD I SAVE to go
towards the finances of the trip.
If I didn’t have any money at all, then I would have no other course but to look to God
alone. My trouble is now having money and also having God. I don’t know how much
of my money to save and how much I should look to God to provide.
Maybe it all boils down to this: perhaps God wants to know how much I am willing to
expect Him to provide. This is a scary thought. What if I should fail and trust Him too
little. That would make an interesting study - finding scriptures along that line.
November 5, 1979
I received $3 for a very small paper I typed last Thursday. Upon my asking, she said she
would have another paper for me to type this week.
I still have received no word about the cost of the trip.
November 7, 1979
I stayed home ill today and got a brochure regarding trip. The tour cost is $2,475. I have
now $54 towards the cost.
November 8, 1979
God, please give me the faith that shall still only save $150 each month towards the trip.
This would bring in $1,350 and that Thou - Thy kindness - will bring me the other $1,000
God, help my unbelief.
LATER: I was very disappointed. The paper I was to get this week and type was given
to another. Where is that verse that says we should trust God and not man?
I feel so confused. I do not feel right about saving $200 per month. I also need money
for a car. It would be much easier to say “yes, I’ll save $200” or “no, I’ll not go.” The
difficulty lies in the fact of possible saving $100 per month. But because I desire to go, I
believe God will provide the needed funds and also the funds for a car when I need it.
I feel very hesitant about saying “no, I’ll not go.” If I say that, it actually means - “God
can in no way provide money for this trip.” By saying that, I’ll definitely not go on the
tour and I might be limiting what God might want to show me and do for me.
November 9, 1979
Not sure exactly tonight, but I believe in a week or so I’ll have some fantastic decisions.
November 11, 1979
I am formulating in my mind the idea of me giving God what I had hoped to save per
month and saving per month what I was going to give God.
I also have in my mind a weird idea of doubling weekly or monthly the money saved or
brought in for the trip.
Susan volunteered to teach again this Wednesday at church. (I want to attend all of the
Faith Seminar.) I prayed that I would be able to go.
I would like to in the next 3 months have the following happen:
1. Attain all money for the trip (everything - about $3,500 worth)
2. Get a car that has the following
a. excellent mileage
b. very little repairs (even less than my present car)
c. takes regular gas
d. have no problem obtaining parts if needed
e. will please Dad
f. be dependable
g. runs well in snowy - icy weather
h. will last at least 6 years
i. property taxes and car insurance will be hardly any to speak of
3. Will have health insurance, but I won’t have to pay for it
November 12, 1979
I gave to the church my 10 percent tithe. I’m trying to put into practice Mal. 3:10. If I’ve
decided to give God $200 a month, some of that ought to go to my own church. Mal 3:10
says: Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house,
and prove me now herewith, saith the LORD of hosts, if I will not open you the windows
of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.
It’s up to God now.
November 16, 1979
I received $10 for baby-sitting tonight.
November 17, 1979
God, since the fall of 1976, I have given You a little over $10,000. God, are the
preachers wrong when they say You will financially prosper those who give freely? God,
am I doing something wrong?
November ?, 1979
NOTE: I’ve decided not to go on the tour. I mean, I’ve decided not to save any money
for the trip. Giving to God is far more precious than an Orient tour.
I want to go, but I want to give to God even more.
God, I cannot ask You to give me the funds when I’ve decided not to save at least some.
God, I love You and giving and the world more than this trip.
March 2, 1980
On February 23, I baby-sat. While baby-sitting, I listened to a few cassette tapes of the
mission 1978 conference. I got so homesick for the people. It sounds funny to say that I
got homesick, but that is exactly what happened.
I’m throwing all caution to the wind for on 2/25/80 I made up my mind to go on the trip.
LATER: Last Monday on 2/25, I made up my mind to go on the mission Orient tour.
Dad has volunteered to give me the money for the tour. I don’t actually want to take it
from him because he’s my dad; however, God might be wanting him to give it. I’m
utilizing the procedures I did in the summer of 1978 - praying and praising God for the
money I do have and will have. I’ll leave it to Him on the sources, but I know I won’t be
able to save that much and I can’t help not wanting to fall back on Dad.
God, I know I can’t tell You what to do, but You know Dad. He’s logically saying that
though he knows You are capable of giving me the funds, he doesn’t see any way of me
getting the money unless he gives it or else I find it laying on the street, etc.
I must confess too, Lord, I find it hard to believe. The amount is so huge. I know You
have all power, but seeing that power working on my behalf is entirely different (but it
I know, like I said, I can’t force You; but thank You for allowing Dad to offer to give me
the money. If You really want me to, I would like to thank You for providing the money
from different source(s) and showing up both our unbelief.
March 3, 1980
God, I know that all resources come from You, but I really would like this trip money to
come from some other source(s) and not from Dad.
Mark 11:20-24 - And in the morning, as they passed by, they saw the fig tree dried up
from the roots. And Peter calling to remembrance saith unto him, Master, behold, the fig
tree which thou cursedst is withered away. And Jesus answering saith unto them, Have
faith in God. For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be
thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall
believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he
saith. Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that
ye receive them, and ye shall have them.
Before, Jesus was hungry, He saw a fig tree in leaf. It was not the season for figs, but He
went to see if it did have any fruit. Finding it barren in fruit He cursed it.
Surely my request for finances is within context.
March 10, 1980
I sent in $150 for the trip deposit and $295 for plane ticket to L.A. I don’t know; my
entire being almost seems to want to believe that God will provide the trip money without
Dad’s gracious offer of aid.
A lot can happen between now and when I have to send the balance in early June. God is
sufficient in all things.
March 12, 1980
I’ve been concerned about not having any money towards another car. If God is going to
be sufficient for this trip, He’ll provide the means for a car when the time comes.
God, if You do not want me to go or if You are neutral about this matter, please let the
mission have the maximum number for the trip or not enough people to go. This is such
a big matter (due to money) so I must say that I don’t want to go unless You want me to
March 13, 1980
I have a slight problem. Tonight Dad and I watched a program called The Battle for
Africa” - concerning Brother Andrew. I want to give. I feel motivated in giving to
missions. How can I do that and go on the trip?
March 16, 1980
Yesterday I brought shoes and a protective film shield for the trip. I contacted
Mrs. Knight and she will start some sewing for me in June.
I’ve been praying for the Browns. They need 20 percent more for their financial support
to be totally in and $4,780 for their funds for a car to be entirely met. Sometime this past
February I felt strongly about giving someone $80. One night while in bed, I just simply
decided that it should go towards the Brown’s car. (I didn’t know their exact need.) I
haven’t yet sent the money off when I received their letter stating their specific needs.
Though I had planned decisively to go on the trip, I knew I had to send the $80 to the
Brown’s. I really almost believe it was laid on my heart by God to give that $80. Well, I
marked the $80 off the amount of what they needed for a car and began thanking God for
supplying their needs through other people
Today I’ve found out that all the Brown’s now totally lack is $800 for the car!
I really believe that thanking God for things not yet received exerts great power.
March 17, 1980
Gen 18:14 - Is any thing too hard for the LORD? At the time appointed I will return unto
thee, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son.
Deut 3:24 - O Lord GOD, thou hast begun to shew thy servant thy greatness, and thy
mighty hand: for what God is there in heaven or in earth, that can do according to thy
works, and according to thy might?
Isa 7:11-13 - Ask thee a sign of the LORD thy God; ask it either in the depth, or in the
height above. But Ahaz said, I will not ask, neither will I tempt the LORD. And he said,
Hear ye now, O house of David; Is it a small thing for you to weary men, but will ye
weary my God also?
March 17, 1980
I wanted to give some money to Brother Andrew’s work, but with my dentist
appointment this pay time I couldn’t see how I could and still save some money. Well,
today the dentist’s office called and postponed my appointment until 4/16/80!!! So, now
I can give $20 to Brother Andrew. I believe this is an act of God. I believe, also, that I’ll
be able to save $38 this pay check. Thank You, God.
March 18, 1980
Mark 6:5 - And he could there do no mighty work, save that he laid his hands upon a few
sick folk, and healed them. And he marvelled because of their unbelief. And he went
round about the villages, teaching.
John 15:7 - If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it
shall be done unto you.
John 15:16 - Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye
should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall
ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.
Where I stand now?
Have plane ticket to L.A.
Have $589 towards trip
Am thanking God for the balance of $1,886 for trip
Am thanking God for $500 spending money
Have film protective shelf
Need clothes that will not wrinkle and are matched
March 22, 1980
I miscalculated the money I had in total for the trip. (It is to my advantage.) Total,
including the deposit, $656.71! That leaves the following needed for trip - $1,728.33
and spending money - $500.
Ps 27:3 - Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war
should rise against me, in this will I be confident.
Ps 27:14 - Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart:
wait, I say, on the LORD.
Ps 28:7 - The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am
helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him.
March 23, 1980
Oh, God, I do not really love You; I fear I love giving more. I want to learn how to really
pray, but I don’t seem to want to put forth the effort. Yet, my Father, I am deeply
interested in Your work (missions) around the world. Why am I so stirred when I read
biographies on missions? Is it Your Spirit urging me to cast aside my armchair tactics
and checkbook giving and get bodily involved? God, show me.
Ps 33:21 - For our heart shall rejoice in him, because we have trusted in his holy name.
Ps 37:3 - Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou
shalt be fed.
Ps 37:5 - Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.
In a 22 day work month I use 2 hours per work day to help pay for my monthly giving.
What would happen if I would spend 1 hour of prayer for missions? Could I start out
slowly - say 10 minutes per day and gradually increase?
March 25, 1980
Ps 40:3-4 - And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many
shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD. Blessed is that man that maketh the
LORD his trust, and respecteth not the proud, nor such as turn aside to lies.
God, I know that prayer is much the most important work in Thy cause. However, I
cannot taste, touch, or see prayer.
I must believe that my prayers are joined by one or more people someplace in this world.
Therefore, I am not praying alone.
March 26, 1980
Ps 44:3 - For they got not the land in possession by their own sword, neither did their own
arm save them: but thy right hand, and thine arm, and the light of thy countenance,
because thou hadst a favour unto them.
Ps 44:5-6 - Through thee will we push down our enemies: through thy name will we tread
them under that rise up against us. For I will not trust in my bow, neither shall my sword
Ps 44:8 - In God we boast all the day long, and praise thy name for ever. Selah.
Today, Dad has talking about how he thinks he has cancer and he hasn’t even seen a
God, what will I do when or if he dies before me? No Mother, no Father, and unmarried.
It would be, it seems, a time of great loneliness. Yet, Lord, maybe I could experiment
even more into the realm of giving.
March 27, 1980
Ps 46:9 - He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth; he breaketh the bow, and
cutteth the spear in sunder; he burneth the chariot in the fire.
God, please help the fighting to cease in the Chad and Afghanistan. Let the wrong cease
in their war efforts.
Early this morning, I dreamt I was telling Mr. Green the things (some) of what Brother
Andrew said on his talk a couple of years ago. It was something about God didn’t say
you had to come back when He sent you into the world.
I woke up and began to think maybe God wants me to pray for His workers and other
Christians in other lands. So I did so and fell back to sleep.
March 28, 1980
Ps 52:6-8 - The righteous also shall see, and fear, and shall laugh at him: Lo, this is the
man that made not God his strength; but trusted in the abundance of his riches, and
strengthened himself in his wickedness. But I am like a green olive tree in the house of
God: I trust in the mercy of God for ever and ever.
God, would you please give me at least a monthly salary increase of $70. I know I’ll
want to give You more money when I come back from the tour. God, You are the one
who gives the increase; I want to give more to You. God, it is time for me to go to war.
Thank You for considering this request.
This morning my boss did call me into his office and asked me what my salary was. He
doesn’t feel right about bringing a new girl above my present salary so he’s going to try
and get me a raise increase! Then I’m due for a regular salary increase (?) effective in
July. The raise increase now may be just $10 per month, but it is at least something.
The $70 minimum raise doesn’t look to far off even if it doesn’t even come close.
God still knows what He’s doing!!!!
March 29, 1980
Ps 55:23 - But thou, O God, shalt bring them down into the pit of destruction: bloody and
deceitful men shall not live out half their days; but I will trust in thee.
Ps 56:3-4 - What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. In God I will praise his word, in
God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.
Ps 56:10-11 - In God will I praise his word: in the LORD will I praise his word. In God
have I put my trust: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me.
Thank You again for the $1,727 for the trip and the $500 for expenses.
March 31, 1980
I was wrong with my figures. I need $1,792 for my trip even after depositing $62.05
The new girl is officially a clerk and I don’t know if I’ve received a salary increase.
Oh, God, everyone wants more money, but I want to give more to You!!!!!!!
God, I’m afraid of what I’ve been thinking since last night. God, I feel so low and giving
makes me feel good. There are many things I’m just average or below average in
capability; however, I’m good at giving.
God, what would be the outcome of me giving most of my trip money to You? The only
risk I would be taking would be the lack of trip funds.
God, help me to make a decision.
God, help me to get a $70 or more raise.
God, I need You.
April 3, 1980
Ps 69:13 - But as for me, my prayer is unto thee, O LORD, in an acceptable time: O God,
in the multitude of thy mercy hear me, in the truth of thy salvation.
Ps 69:16 - Hear me, O LORD; for thy lovingkindness is good: turn unto me according to
the multitude of thy tender mercies.
Ps 71:5 - My mouth shall shew forth thy righteousness and thy salvation all the day; for I
know not the numbers thereof.
Ps 71:14-15 - But I will hope continually, and will yet praise thee more and more. My
mouth shall shew forth thy righteousness and thy salvation all the day; for I know not the
Ps 71:19 Thy righteousness also, O God, is very high, who hast done great things: O
God, who is like unto thee!
Ps 72:18 - Blessed be the LORD God, the God of Israel, who only doeth wondrous
Ps 73:23-26 - Nevertheless I am continually with thee: thou hast holden me by my right
hand. Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory.
Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.
My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for
Ps 73:28 - But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord
GOD, that I may declare all thy works.
The new girl is now in the office and her salary is $650 a month. Mine is $630 after
being there almost 7 years. I feel very hurt and disappointed. I’m also mad, but I’m more
hurt than anything else.
I do not understand; however, God knows what is going on!
April 4, 1980
Ps 77:14 - Thou art the God that doest wonders: thou hast declared thy strength among
I bought a book this week concerning sermons on prayer by Spurgeon. It has a really
good chapter concerning Pleading!
Tonight I spent totally at one time 45 minutes before God without my mind really
wandering very much. I only discussed 2 items really....my finances for the trip and my
raise. I really enjoyed the time. It was something so different to discuss, remind, plead,
to request, to acknowledge, etc. Though after it was over I found myself thinking I
enjoyed the experience but will God answer? I don’t want to just pray for fun; I want to
April 5, 1980
Ps 78:7 - That they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep
Num 11:21-23 - And Moses said, The people, among whom I am, are six hundred
thousand footmen; and thou hast said, I will give them flesh, that they may eat a whole
month. Shall the flocks and the herds be slain for them, to suffice them? or shall all the
fish of the sea be gathered together for them, to suffice them? And the LORD said unto
Moses, Is the LORD's hand waxed short? thou shalt see now whether my word shall
come to pass unto thee or not.
April 6, 1980
Ps 78:19-22 - Yea, they spake against God; they said, Can God furnish a table in the
wilderness? Behold, he smote the rock, that the waters gushed out, and the streams
overflowed; can he give bread also? can he provide flesh for his people? Therefore the
LORD heard this, and was wroth: so a fire was kindled against Jacob, and anger also
came up against Israel; Because they believed not in God, and trusted not in his
April 14, 1980
Our bookkeeper has a new job; her last day is 4/25.
April 16, 1980
Two other clerks are definitely considering seeking other employment.
April 17, 1980
I typed up 2 letters from my boss today. One of the letters requested a $30 raise for
April 18, 1980
I am now temporarily doing the bookkeeper’s job until a replacement comes.
I feel like I’m being taken advantage of and like a lamb being led to the slaughter. Yet,
God, You know what You are doing. Please help me to trust and rely and lean on You!!!!
However, please help a replacement to come quickly!!!!!
April 20, 1980
Ps 81:10 - I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt: open thy
mouth wide, and I will fill it.
Ps 84:5-7 - Blessed is the man whose strength is in thee; in whose heart are the ways of
them. Who passing through the valley of Baca make it a well; the rain also filleth the
pools. They go from strength to strength, every one of them in Zion appeareth before
Ps 84:11-12 - For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and
glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly. O LORD of hosts,
blessed is the man that trusteth in thee.
This evening in church the young people had the service. It was a dedication and slightly
missions oriented service. I believe that God spoke to me last night enough to send me
request for employment information to the mission.
Perhaps this is the reason for all of the uproar at work - to get me unsettled enough to
even think of doing something else. If so, it has worked.
April 21, 1980
Received in the mail today a notice from Baptist Mid-Missions that they are in need of a
April 22, 1980
Because of my experience of working in a school, perhaps God would like me to work in
a Christian school or college
April 24, 1980
Ps 91:2 - I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I
(See letter sent to friend.)
The enclosed card explains what my Saturday evening was like on May 17. I went with
my father and our pastor and his wife to the mission’s banquet. We had a really good
time. The slides were of China and the director of the mission had interesting comments.
The speaker is the one who is going to be our guide on the tour in August.
I told my dad when we got home that I do not want to save the money for the trip; I need
to save for a car. I would much rather give the money and I really don’t want to accept
the money from him. I told him, however, that it would be very wrong for me not to go.
I just feel in my very being that I have everything to gain by going. Only you know what
I mean. I feel my heart is divided into 4 equal parts. I want to give, I want the money to
come from God, I want no money from Dad, and I want to go. Oh well, I don’t need to
send the money in until the 13th of June.
Sunday evening on May 11, I appeared before our deacon board with another girl. The
other girl told about her calling of God to go to college and majoring in missions. She
has just graduated from high school. I told our deacon board (only because our pastor
told me to several weeks earlier) about my trip this summer to the Orient. They wanted to
know if I felt I was called to be a missionary. I told them about my desire in giving and
perhaps when Dad died and the necessities of living consumed most of my money,
perhaps I would then try to work on a mission board as a typist.
Denise, I am proud of what I give, but other people don’t really know about my giving.
Just like you and I most of the time did not discuss exact dollars and cents when talking
about our giving. I’m proud because I feel like I am running a race against myself.
Sometimes I feel like I love giving more than I love God. Yet, I know that I am a nobody
in this world, but my money can enable someone else to be a somebody in God’s
kingdom. I give because I want God’s name to be glorified in the world. When I told our
deacon board that last November I decided that I would not go on the tour because I did
not want to cut back on giving, I almost broke down in tears. You know what I mean;
you’re about the only person that would know what I mean when I say that giving is
almost dearer than life.
June, 1980 (early June)
(Submitted the following as a possible devotional, but it was never printed. However it
explains what happened.)
FOR THE JOY
Heb 12:2 - Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that
was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right
hand of the throne of God.
Occasionally God gives us a really big opportunity to prove to ourselves that our love
towards God isn’t being overshadowed by our desires.
In my case, the desire was a tourist trip abroad with a mission organization and a month
had elapsed since the seemingly terrifying thought had first entered my mind: “Give to
God the money you’ve saved for the 24 days trip.”
Now after much prayer, contemplation and tears, I sat down and prayed audibly to God. I
told Him for the joy set before me I could now joyfully give Him the funds I had saved
for He was more important to me. I told Him I would do this knowing He might not
reimburse me in time to take the trip, and if He didn’t, no one would know why I didn’t
go. Yet, I reminded God that everyone knew I was to go in three months and the trip’s
cost was due in 6 weeks.
After praying, I went to get the couple of checks to various missions I had written over a
month ago while I was under spiritual and mental conflicts. Now a strange, new thought
entered my head. I was not to give all my trip money to God; He wanted only half. So I
sat down and rewrote the checks.
Three weeks later when the travel agency requested the balance of the trip costs
to be paid immediately in order to avoid higher costs, my father told me to keep
the money I had saved. He would pay the cost of the trip and my funds could
be used as spending money.
(Read another letter.)
One thing is for sure, I do not understand why God sometimes does the things He does.
You know how all along I did not want to take money from Dad for this trip. You know I
have been asking God to bring in the money from some other source. You know why I
did not want to take the money from him -- the same reason that we did not accept his
offer of money the time around Christmas, 1977, when we had very little funds.
Well, Tuesday evening when I got home from work, I had two letters. One letter stated I
did not have to have an inoculation shot for smallpox and the other letter stated that the
travel bureau I am going under said that they had so far absorbed all price increases. I
had been praying that the trip cost would not go up. Well, anyway, they also stated that
new price increase in plane fare was going into effect June 1 and in order for me not to
pay the increase they would need my money in by that date. To put things plainly, that
was quite unexpected for me. I had just told Dad Saturday evening that I planned on
sending the money in on June 13 and that I would need $1,651 from him. Still, Tuesday
and June 13 were two pay days away from each other.
When I told Dad that they needed the money right away to avoid an extra increase, he
just said, “Figure up the balance and we’ll go to the bank and draw it out and you keep
what you have saved for spending money.” There wasn’t anything for me to say. I had
to get the money that day and send it on its way to avoid any extra unnecessary travel
costs. We rushed to the post office to mail it certified mail.
After the unexpected business was taken care of and we arrived home, I sat Dad down
and asked God to bless him. It was all I could do. It was not the way I wanted it to
happen. I did not want the funds to come from Dad. I am repeating myself, but I know
you can read between the lines of this story.
Towards the end of this past March and early April there was much turmoil at work.
There was one of two ways I could have gone. I could have sunk or looked only to God.
I decided to look to God and not the circumstances. During those hectic days there were
times I found myself telling God, “God, I’m glad that You know what You are doing for I
sure don’t.” I found myself last night telling God the same thing. I did not want God to
use my father, but God did. I must continue to believe even in this good occasion that
God knew what He was doing.
Two years ago I was trying to gather funds for the mission conference. When I go on the
tour at the end of July it will have been only 3 years from the time I first went to their
The tour I am going with is now offering (if enough people want to go) a one day side trip
into China for no more than $100. People at work say I ought to go, but I told God that if
I should go for Him to give me the money.
I’m sure I’ll write other things later.
June, 21, 1980
(See another letter sent.)
I am about to write something to you that I don’t my Dad to find out about.
It seems for the past 3 years that whenever I get an accumulation of about $500, I want to
give it away (at least half of it)....I guess because I’m not really satisfied until I can give
Well, by May I had those very same feelings of wanting to withdraw and give, but I
couldn’t very well because of the trip. I contemplated my reasons for giving, the amount
I should give, where I should give, and the consequences if I gave. The consequences of
my giving seemed very clear. Unless God directly stepped in and reimbursed me (if I did
give), I could not realistically ask Dad to fork over the extra money.
I wanted so much to go, to give, and have all the trip money not come from Dad at all.
While I was thinking over the obvious result if I did give, I was drawn very much to
Oh, I will never know the reasons I really give. There is so much knowledge to be gained
in giving to God. Whether my intentions are honest, whether God is pleased with my
gifts and what He wants me to do in this area....I am not sure.
It just seemed to be the right thing to do. Not really to give all - there’s too much chance
of great pride in giving all. Jesus didn’t have to die “but for the joy set before Him”......I
reasoned that this was another opportunity to experiment in giving to God and with that
verse vibrating in my very being, I gave God some money. If God wanted me to go, well,
I would. If God didn’t (would decide) not to reimburse me, well, for the joy set before
me...I really felt I was feeling a verse like I had never felt before. I was enduring
(possibly) the risk of not going on a precious trip for the joy set before me....
I already told you about what happened towards the end of May. I could have protested
and told Dad that I would draw some money out of my account, but I was afraid to tell
Dad what I earlier had done. I could only remain silent on the subject.
Denise, I would like to think that God knew all along what would happen at the end of
May and gave me the opportunity at the beginning of May to give to Him and risk not
going on the tour.
I would love to know if God gave me an opportunity to see the joy before me or whether
He was bailing me out of a mess that I had caused.
Well, that is enough for now.
PS - Monday
Today is my 27th birthday. I thought we had it all settled (Dad and I) that I would not get
a present from him. My trip is my present. He gave me $50. But the significance is not
that he gave me $50. The story is that about 2 weeks ago I received a form personal letter
from the mission requesting $100 if possible. They hardly ever send letters like that out.
I knew that there must really be a need.
I’m striving for $500 for spending money (that is an obtainable goal). That gift of $100
to the mission would have been a delay, but I still should arrive at that goal.
When I determined to give the $100 everything seemed to be “right.” I mean, it just
seemed the thing to do. You know that feeling.
Understand why I am so happy about this $50?
The reason I talk so much about giving is because it is an experiment. There is so much
to be learned.
I’m making about $20 a month now in baby-sitting. That isn’t a whole lot. I’ve done
more baby-sitting since October than I’ve done in my whole life.
I’m asking God on this trip to either confirm what I’m doing is what He wants or if there
is something else that He’ll show me.
Doesn’t it seem, however, that I’m benefiting greatly from God now?
PS - Tuesday
I keep on adding to this letter. Today I received in the mail a $25 check from my church.
At the bottom of the check it had written - “designated.”
Also, I baby-sat 3 times since last Tuesday. That gave me $18.00.